You don’t know till you know

I was dreading it. And I do mean dreading it. Every time I thought about it my heart started jumpity jumping and my stomach clenched into a ball of tight, terrified noodles.

But I knew I couldn’t put it off.

What was it, you may well ask, this nemesis that had me quaking?

My first post surgery shower.

Now don’t get me wrong, gentle reader. I did not smell like a skunk made out of old vegetable peelings (a genuine concern!!) Water, soap, flannels and the sink are a thing. But nothing beats a real shower and I wanted one. 

But the internet had told me stories about how terrible my first post surgery shower would be. Thus, every time I thought about it, I started doing this:

I had no idea what to expect. Terrible how, exactly? Should I expect a pain worse than the cruciatus curse? Would my scar fly open? Would it look like the shower from Psycho?

Of course none of that was likely. But you never know.

In the end, it was a big scary build up to not much (dare I say like the Game of Thrones finale? Too soon??!) And it reminded me of something you might need to hear, too: You don’t know until you know, and driving yourself crazy with worry won’t help. If it had been harder, all my worrying wouldn’t have helped. As it is was, the whole thing took on much bigger proportions than it needed to.

And for anyone reading this who’s a little scared of their first post surgery shower, here are my tips:

• Have a sense of curiosity. You won’t know how it feels till you’re in, so learn from my mistakes and don’t drive yourself nuts!
• Go slowly. You don’t have to fling yourself under the water and sing It’s Raining Men (unless that helps, in which case, let ‘er rip!) Put an arm under. Try your back. Let it trickle on your scar for two seconds.
• If it’s difficult, stop. You did great. You’ll do a little bit more next time.
• Have some products you love to hand. Make it enjoyable.
• Have some comfy slippers or your fave tee or robe to put on after.
• Acknowledge that this a big step! Hey, it’s your first shower sans one or both breasts, that’s one hell of a first!

And if you’re curious? It stung a little, and the parts of me that have nerve damage definitely had opinions, but it wasn’t bad, at all.

So if you’re facing something scary today, take it slow, be kind to yourself, and remember what Newt Scamander said: If you worry, you suffer twice.